Confessions From Behind the Chair

Oh my god, it’s been such a busy holiday season, and I’m so glad to finally be back to a little bit of normalcy. And you know what that means: it’s time to bring back the confessions posts! This one dives into some pretty normal stuff—nothing too outrageous this time—but there’s a cute little memory from L.A. tucked in here involving a celebrity face everyone knows. So settle in and enjoy the ride!

The Bangs That Had a Bang

Kay, let’s take it back to when I was a widdle little 23 year old baby stylist at Vidal Sassoon. Fresh out of training, feeling on top of the world, and if you remember what 23 feels like, it fully felt like my shit smelled like fresh roses

I had this cute but dizzy 20-year-old baby stylist helping me out. Legit, she was living in her own little universe. I was running low on color, so I asked her to mix up more for my client’s bang area. Just a small V-section in the front. Easy.

The client had short hair and was this super chill, cool, stay-at-home bougie mom. I loved her hair. It was this vibrant plum red on a short Twiggy-style pixie. She was a whole vibe.

So, homegirl hands me the bowl of color. I slap it on, let it process, and everything feels routine. I remember thinking the lighting looked a little off 🤔, but whatever. Color always looks weird sometimes. I assumed my eyes were just messing with me. I rinse her out, bring her back to the chair and surprise. Her bangs are a completely different shade than the rest of her hair. And when I say different, I mean BLACK.

Like black black ⚫😳

I’m mortified. Bubbles McGee is panicking 😬 and litterally makes a swift getaway 🏃‍♀️💨 before I can even get to her to chew her out. Turns out she grabbed the right box with the wrong tube inside it 😵‍💫.

So now the rest of this woman’s hair is a gorgeous plum red-violet, and her bangs are out here living an entirely separate life. Thankfully, the client was super chill to just roll with it. She actually loved the accidental edgy look 🙌. And I’m just standing there thinking, whew, dodged a bullet 😮‍💨 because I absolutely cannot fix black permanent color on the fly.

We laughed it off 😂, but that was a major learning moment for me. Double-check your formulas. Double-check the tubes. Always!✔️

In the end, all was chill, and it’s one of those salon stories that still makes me wince every time I think about it 😬💀.

The Accidental Invitation

Ok, so picture me in my mid-twenties, working at this high-end men’s salon in Chicago, fully living my best young, single-pringle life 💅✨

I threw on this long, flowy top. You know the kind… One of those early-2000’s shirts that, if you squint and hope for the best, could pass as a dress 👀

I was like, “Cool, I’ll just throw on some dark pantyhose then boom this can DEFINITELY pass as a dress.” Well. I get to work feeling all kinds of cute until I realize… yeah, the cookie was covered 🍪 but you can definitely see my ass if I move.

Like, move at all 🍑 ……..Oops….😬

Oh well, nothing I could do at that point so I carry on with my day. I have this older male client who’s kind of flirting with me, but I’m not totally sure because at that time in my life I just assumed guy was just interested in sex because men are gross like that 🤷‍♀️

So I’m trying to get through the cut quickly because I’m really feeling like he’s hitting on me. I finish the cut, walk him up front, and I’m like BYE ✌️

Next thing I know, the receptionist comes and says,

“Hey, you have a call. It’s that older guy. He wants to talk to you.”

I’m like, uh NO. Take a message. Ask him what he wants.

The message was…

“He wants you to call him back. He and his wife have a question for you.”

Now, I could be reading the wrong book here… but I’m pretty sure I was going to be invited to join a swinging couple’s adventure 😖😵‍💫

This is how I learned that some people are just… different. And Swingers are very real and not just in movies

And in case you’re wondering, no. I absolutely did not call back 🚫📞

My First Haircut in Beauty School

So there I was, 18/19 years old, a total infant stylist in beauty school and absolutely terrified of men’s haircuts 😬✂️ Clippers were my worst nightmare because one wrong move and bam, now you’ve got a bald spot.

First day on the floor, I get a male client who wants a super tight fade. I’m nervous. Like literally shaking like a leaf nervous. And the second I run the clippers up the back of his neck, he yells,

“STOP! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

And I’m just standing there like,
Um… yeah? That’s kind of why I’m in beauty school, dick.

I immediately run to get the instructor. What happened after that I don’t know because I had a full blown meltdown and cried in the bathroom for a solid hour 🚽😭 BUT, from what I gathered later, he thought he was in a full-on salon and not, you know… a freaking BEAUTY SCHOOL 😒
(My eyes still roll thinking about this.)

I was so traumatized that I didn’t touch clippers for years. Eventually, I built my confidence back and did scissor-over-comb exclusively before I even let a clipper come near someone’s head again.

Now? My men’s cuts are untouchable. I’m a wizard with clippers. But yeah… that’s the story of my very first haircut on an actual human being in beauty school. Every stylist has a moment that almost makes them quit. This was mine. I didn’t expect it to be day one, but hey… now I’m over 20 years in.

The Split-End Cut in L.A.

So let’s go back to L.A.

It’s my first year there and I’m working at this super hip Venice barbershop called Rudy’s Barbershop. We always got low key celebrities because the vibe was chill and not pretentious. Very low key. Very “don’t make it weird.”

I get this girl, a total sassy blonde, and she’s like,
“I need a haircut, but I don’t want a haircut.”

And I’m like… k. Cool. Then what the fuck are we doing here?

She explains that she just wants her split ends cut…..Like literally. So to there I am…My stupid ass is there sectioning out her hair and trimming individual split ends. One☝️ by one☝️.

I did her hair like this for months. MONTHS! And the entire time I’m thinking, how the hell did I get roped into this bullshit?! Then I found out she’s some actress from the Beverly Hills reboot and suddenly it all makes sense. This is how celebrities get exactly what they want. Because insecure dumb asses like me are out here cutting one hair at a time and saying, “Yeah, totally normal. Love this for us.”

😒😒😒 Just another day in La La land just trying to survive.

The Devil Woman at Rudy’s Barbershop

Ugh. This one still pisses me off 😤

All right, so back when my husband and I worked at a Rudy’s together, we had this coworker who was basically the definition of a walking nightmare. Let’s call her Pancake Booty Bitch Ass C-Face, because honestly, if awful were a person, it was her. She hated me, and the feeling was very mutual.

She would always leave her equipment right in my way. Like consistently. So one day, I moved her stuff aside. No biggie, right? Apparently… wrong.

Fast forward about a week later. I’m not at work that day, but my husband is. He sets his fancy, bougie vape down in the break room, goes to grab it later, and it’s gone! He asks everyone. Nobody’s seen it. And then Pancake Booty Bitch Ass C-Face comes at him with,

“Tell your wife it doesn’t feel good when people move your stuff.”

My husband calls me confused AF, and I’m like oh hell naw 😳🔥
She’s fucking with my man now??

She denies everything, of course. And I’m pregnant at the time, so I’m actively choosing low blood pressure cuz I’m not trying to catch charges 🤰

Now here’s the kicker.

A full year later, the radiator in the break room breaks and gets replaced. Maintenance pulls it out and finds a bunch of random crap back there… towels, combs, junk… and my husband’s vape!!!!

She literally threw it across the room and behind the radiator out of pure spite!!!🐍

She was long gone by then, but we still laugh about it because honestly… some bitches are WILD. Some people operate on a different level of petty and chaos. And if I hadn’t been pregnant at the time… this would be a very different confession 😒💅

Smoking PSA in Venice

This last story just makes me giggle🤭

Still in L.A., still at the barbershop. I’m around the corner, minding my business, having a smoke break (BEFORE I became pregnate!) like the menace I was. 🚬 (BEFORE I became pregnate!)

And some dude starts kind of starts yelling at me. But not like yelling yelling. More like sarcastic yelling.

He goes,
“Hey, young lady… don’t you know smoking kills?”

I’m standing there completely dumbfounded like, are you fucking serious right now?🙄 Of course I said nothing. Because it was Norm freacking Macdonald! 🤯 He looked at me in that classic Norm Macdonald way, pauses, then just walks off. Like his public service announcement for the day was complete 🚶‍♂️✔️

He lived in the condos right upstairs from Rudy’s. So every time I ran into him after that, he’d give me this little head nod. Like, “Don’t forget.” 😐

And yeah… I never forgot that little Norm health lesson.

RIP 🤍

And that’s it. Just a fun little trip down memory lane. Nothing too salacious this time, just some good memories from Chicago and L.A. that still make me laugh. Thanks for coming along for the ride. Confessions will always be here, and I’ll be back with more soon.